Modern Love

10:47 AM

“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.” – Olive Penderghast in Easy A.

What ever happened to romance? True love, soul mates, grand romantic gestures? Love letters, poetry, chivalry? What happened to asking someone out in person, not just hiding behind a phone and texting them? Maybe I’m just a hopeless romantic, but is it me or is there something off putting about modern dating?

I’ve spent the last week watching movies and TV with romantic plot lines. I watched a Cinderella Story, 10 Things I Hate About You, Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, The Fundamentals of Caregiving, and a few episodes of New Girl and 90210. These movies made me believe in true love. But it’s not real. It’s not real because a) it’s a movie and b) this is reality but because dating has changed.

Is it so wrong to want a guy a talk to me first? I’m a feminist, but is it so wrong that I’m shy and want a guy to show interest in me and take the initiative? Is it hopeless to want to be kissed in the rain like Sam and Austin in a Cinderella Story, to want dramatic gestures from Patrick in 10 Things I Hate About You, to fall in love in Greece like in Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants? These movies make me believe in love, but when I go and look for it, I end up disappointed.

All around me, people are having drunk hookups, swiping right on Tindr, and sending promiscuous pictures on Snapchat. This day in age, flirting is double tapping on Instagram, liking a Facebook photo, and retweeting a Tweet. There’s no real communication. People are falling in love with fake people. They like how a girl looks in a photo, or the witty caption her friends made for her on her Instagram. They like texting her, even though they’re really texting her friends as she asks “omg what should I say” every time he texts her. Where’s the communication? Where’s the spark, the long, sleepy conversations in person at night as you fight to stay awake and learn about the other person. What about telling someone you like their shirt when you’re passing them in public, or start talking to someone you think is cute while you wait in line for coffee? Is this even possible anymore? I hope so, for my sake.

You know why I love reading? It’s so that I can live vicariously through the greatest romances. So that I can know heartbreak and love, the yearning and chasing of someone. Because truth is, sometimes I don’t know if I’ll ever find it in this world full of technology. Maybe I’m just an old school romantic, but I think the current dating world needs a change. I want long love letters, a boy to read me Paublo Nervada poems, and spontaneous adventures. And maybe I’ll find it someday, but it won’t be through a Facebook message.

What are your thoughts on modern dating? Should we put down the phone and talk to our crushes?

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Current Book List

  • Pillow Thoughts
  • Milk & Honey
  • This Modern Love
  • The Perks of Being a Wallflower
  • Looking for Alaska
  • One Day
  • Me Before You


"Meeting you was like reading my favorite book for the first time."

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